▲The Great Hay War of 2013▲

▲The Great Hay War of 2013▲

An Intensive Historical Account of the Great Hay War

Documented by Josiah Clements

The Great Hay War was a bloody conflict that changed history itself. We refer to events that happened before this great battle as Before Hay War (B.H.W) and events after as After Hay War (A.H.W). In 55 B.H.W, tensions were taunt between the two major factions of the time; the Upper Wagon and the Lower Wagon. The Uppers held a lot of political power and wealth during this time, which they spent lavishly on whatever they pleased. The Lowers greatly resented the Uppers for this, because although they were a hard working class, they were mainly poor and suffered under the Upper's reign in poverty. Their relationship was strained for many years, but the conflict didn't truly start until 3 B.H.W, when some Uppers broke the Wagon Treaty and fired un-provoked into a Lower Wagon settlement. Many small skirmishes broke out for the next couple of years because of this, but they were small and mostly insignificant. It wasn't until the mighty Steve Leeper of the Lower Wagon rose up and gathered an army of rag-tag warriors behind him.

Although Leeper's army was undisciplined, they were a passionate bunch with unbreakable resolve. Leeper marched them straight to the Upper Wagon's front lines, which were led by the renowned Lance Clark. Clark 's soldiers were well equipped for war and had the wind on their side as a great tactical advantage, but they lacked resolve and were used to a life of comfort and ease. Both armies stared each other down, each waiting for the other to make the first move. The air was still, and even the crickets held their breathe in anticipation. 

Finally, unable to take it anymore, an antsy soldier fired a round off. The sound echoed all around, which was followed by an audible silence. Suddenly, all hell break lose. The two armies collided together in a horrendous clash. Soldiers dropped left and right, scattering the ground with their still warm corpses. Hay flew everywhere, blotting out the sun itself. The battle was intense, but it soon became evident that the Upper Wagon lead by Clark had the "upper" hand. The Lowers fought valiantly, but no matter how hard they fought, the wind kept on blowing their ammunition back in to their faces, causing more damage to their own forces then the enemy's. With the wind on their side, the Uppers pushed back Leeper and the Lower Wagon, forcing them to retreat. Brave Lower soldiers used their own bodies to shield their comrades allowing them to retreat safely. The most notably of these soldiers was Lance Terpstra the Valiant, Taylor Philips the Resilient, Sean Fitzpatrick the Noble, and Josiah Clements the Gay, who all gave their lives in the front lines of the battle.

General Leeper was extremely disheartened by this lose, and started to lose all hope of victory. Seeing that their efforts were practically futile, the Lower army decided to hunker down and wait for a more opportune moment to strike. They began storing up ammo and supplies in anticipation for a surprise attack. During this time, Lepper withdrew further and further into his mind, slowly losing grip of his sanity. One day, he finally snapped, and began firing upon his own troops in a blind state of hysteria. His soldiers tried to restrain him, but he escaped and ran of into the wilderness. With Leeper crazed and gone, his right-hand man stepped in to take his place; Jay Canul. Although he didn't have as much battle experience as Leeper, Canul had a sharp mind for military tactics. He roused the Lower Wagon troops one last time with an inspirational speech, and when the wind that had been the Upper Wagon's constant advantage died down, he led the army in a glorious final battle. They struck with everything they had, and delivered fatal blows to the Upper Wagon's army. Both sides suffered crippling casualties, and finally the two opposing generals called for a cease-fire, and eventually signed a peace treaty that both sides have kept even to this day. After the war was finally over, the Lower troops found the insane ex-general Leeper rummaging through the trash in their settlement. They captured him, and had him executed by a firing squad for his treason. 


Every year we have a festival to celebrate and remember peace treaty between the Upper Wagon and the Lower Wagon, where we carve pumpkins and drink hot chocolate.


~Josiah▲